


Tyler Joseph's Guide to Suicide...and Back Again, that's by Josh Dun.

by Kalzul



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Depressed Tyler Joseph, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Joshler Freeform, M/M, Minor Anxiety, Nightmares, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sharing a Bed, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 13:02:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11464152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalzul/pseuds/Kalzul
Summary: A emotional, third-person look at a "Guide to Suicide" by Tyler Robert Joseph...and "Back Again", but that's by Joshua William Dun.(All actually by me xD)Joshler Oneshot, but with unconfirmed relationship





	Tyler Joseph's Guide to Suicide...and Back Again, that's by Josh Dun.

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning for Suicide, Nightmares, Depression and Anxiety. Stay safe people!
> 
> "Stay alive, it's worth it, I promise!" -Tyler Joseph.
> 
> Btw the date today is 7/10/17, which is the same date backwards: 71\01\7 or 7\10\17.  
> MIND BLOWN!

**Tyler Joseph's Guide to Suicide...and Back Again, that’s by Josh Dun.**

* * *

 Tyler laid in bed, bloodshot eyes glaring at the ridges in his ceiling. His breathing came out as ragged as those ridges, silent tears flooding from his eyes and his limbs and head felt as if they were made of lead. He hadn't slept for 5 days now (not like he was counting or anything). He tried to ground himself on the slightly disrupted breathing of Josh beside him, but he was slowly but surely succumbing to his pained mind. The more he felt himself drift away, the heavier his body felt, the more he cried and the harder it became to breathe. This is normal for him.

It's a cycle; wake up one day, feeling  _magically_ well-rested, lighter than he had in days. He'll talk to friends, he'll smile and laugh, even tell his own stories and jokes every so often, but then stupid Blurryface will decide that Tyler doesn't  _deserve_ to be as happy as he's been, and he'll start drowning again. Then he'll wake up one day feeling well-rested and lighter than he had. It's endless.

 _Tyler,_ Blurry will whine in a singsong tone,  _since_ _when did you deserve to be happy?_ His mind will demand that Blurry be quiet, but that doesn't mean they'll listen.  _Don't fool yourself, Tyler, you know better than that._ No, he doesn't know better, because there isn't anything to know.  _Tyler, I thought I taught you better than this._ Tyler cried in a silent plea, calling for someone to save him from himself.

There was a moment of silence before Blurry's nail-on-chalkboard voice snarled in his mind again.  _You're worthless. When have you ever presented anyone something of value? You're a disappointment, your family thinks that of you, but why wouldn't they. You've done nothing but fail them. That's what you are, a failure. Good thing your parents have other children, right? They aren't nearly as disappointing as you. No one is as terrible as you, that's the only accomplishment you have; being the world's biggest failure._

Tyler took a breath, a quick distraction from his mind, temporary as it was, it was still a distraction. None of what Blurry is saying is new, all repeated and true, he just wants to scream "I KNOW!" at the top of his lungs, but Josh is supposedly sleeping next to him, to he remains silent and tears apart with his inner turmoil.

During all of this, Tyler was unaware of Josh stirring next to him, being too caught up in his own mind to feel the movements next to him. Josh jerked awake, gasping as he put both hands in his hair, fighting the tears that clouded his vision. Thankfully, he could barely remember his nightmare, so he recovered quickly. A whimper next to him grabbed his attention.

Josh gasped quietly, staring at his friend. Tyler had his eyes closed, but there were still tears spilling down his cheeks. Josh's eyes widened as he tried to shake Tyler from his restless sleep. "Tyler," he called quietly, "Tyler, wake up," he lightly shook his friend's shoulder. Meanwhile, Tyler felt he was drowning. Blurry's words killed all his other senses, unable to feel or hear Josh trying to wake him.

 _"Tyler!"_ He heard Josh's voice faintly in his mind,  _"Tyler, please wake up."_ Tyler closed his eyes and when he opened them again, he found himself at the edge of a cliff, staring down at what would surely be his demise if he jumped or let himself fall.  _"Tyler, please."_ Josh's trembling voice echoed in the air, but Tyler couldn't draw his eyes away from the cliff's edge and the death that lay at the bottom.

"How easy it'd be," Josh gasped as Tyler spoke, sitting up and opening his eyes. He could tell immediately that he was still in a dream-like state, glassy tears still falling down his dipped cheeks.  _"How easy it'd be to what, Tyler?"_ Josh's voice echoed in his mind again, sounding as if it was almost real as if he was really being talked to.

Now Josh really hoped Tyler could hear him. "How easy it'd be to step forward and just let myself fall." Tyler took a step forward, getting closer to the edge.  _"Fall from where, Tyler?"_ Josh wasn't even sure if Tyler could hear him, but he talked anyway, in hope that if Tyler could hear him, his voice would provide some comfort. "The cliff, can't you see it?"

Josh blinked, worried,  _"What cliff, Tyler?"_ Tyler chuckled and it echoed in the dark room. He took another step forward, smaller than the last but he was still getting closer to the edge. Tyler heard footsteps behind him and he turned around to see a transparent figure of Josh. "The cliff I'm standing at the top of," A smile formed on his tired face, "you're here too, but you're not as close as me to the edge."

Taking a small breath, Josh bit his lip,  _"How close are you, Tyler?"_ Glancing at how little he had until he could walk off, his smile wavered a little, "Very close." Dream Josh took another step towards him but Tyler was unable to see his eyes.

 _"Why are you so close, Tyler?"_ With a small smile, Tyler decided he really liked that way Josh said his name. Turning back to the Josh behind him, he took notice of the fact that this Josh didn't have a face. He had a faint nose and small outlines of where lips should be, but no actual face so Tyler couldn't tell how he felt. Smiling at dream Josh, he said with a quieter voice, "So I can fall."

Tyler's tears had stopped flowing now, so Josh assumed he was helping somehow.  _"But why would you want to fall, Tyler?"_  He turned his head back towards the edge, not knowing whether to dare another step forward or stay in place, so he decided to go with the latter. "Because I need to die." His smile wavered a bit, now just a little harder to keep on his face.

Josh noticed Tyler's smile shake with his body in a rhythmic way. He really hoped Tyler didn't really think that.  _"Why would you ever need to die, Tyler?"_ Shaking his head lightly, Tyler took a shuddering breath, not realising he was shaking. “Because everyone wants me to.”

Looking at his hands, Josh shook his head. He wouldn’t let Tyler think this, he couldn’t. _“What makes you say that, Tyler?”_ Before the words even fully left Josh’s mouth, all Blurry's words cycled through his head, and with each one he was, he listed it out, trying desperately to justify why he should follow through.

"Because I'm worthless," he started, "useless, a failure, a disappointment," tears began to cloud his vision again, "untalented, ugly, an embarrassment," he choked on a shuddering breath, beginning to sob, hands still at his sides, "I'm a waste of space, air, and I should just free everyone of a depressing burden." 

Against his will, Josh felt tears rush to his eyes. Seeing and hearing his best friend say those words hurt him more than any physical wound. What could he do to turn this around? He has no idea. _“Has anyone ever told you that, Tyler?”_

Biting his quivering lip, Tyler quietly muttered, “No..” he quickly followed up with, “but that doesn’t mean it’s not true, you should know it is.” Glancing to dream Josh, Tyler watched him shake his head, head tilted down slightly.

Unsurprisingly, Josh felt a few tears manage down his cheeks, now getting impossibly hard to hold. _“That isn’t true, Tyler.”_ Letting a sob out, Tyler cried out, “It is! It has to be!” He brought his hands up to his eyes, shielding his face whilst crying into his hands.

Josh watched as Tyler moved his hands to his eyes, crying a lot harder than he had been when Josh had up. Silently, as Tyler sobbed his heart out, Josh cried with him. _“You’re not any of those things, Tyler.”_

Tyler gently took notice of how Josh’s voice sounded like he was crying to. He turned to dream Josh, finding now that he was crying, glassy tears falling from shining brown eyes and down porcelain cheeks, with plush lips in a frown whilst being bit by pearl white teeth.

“I am, Josh, I really am!” Tyler argued, but Josh wasn’t having it. There was no way he was going to stand by as his best friend self-destructed.

 _“The Tyler I know is wonderful, he’s so fun to be around and always optimistic, he’s got mad piano skills and vocals that save lives,”_ Josh took a breath, mixed with a small sob, _“he never fails to surprise people and always makes sure everyone is okay, even if he’s not. He’s insanely attractive in a very mysterious way, obscure, eye-catching tattoos littering his body, telling a story that only he fully understands.”_

Dream Josh finally reached Tyler, gently putting a hand on his shoulder. Tyler gasped, tears falling at an alarming rate. “N-No, that can’t be true. I’m…” Tyler tried to argue as he was pulled into a warm, tight hug.

 _“The Tyler I know is caring and always far exceeds everyone’s greatest expectations. He’s saved lives by telling his own story in song and music. Everyone who meets him instantly loves him because he’s so friendly and kind.”_ Josh cried as he hugged Tyler, hoping his friend would believe him and remove his hands from over his eyes.

 _“So, please, could you wake up? For me, Tyler?”_ With that, Tyler gasped awake, finding himself in a sobbing Josh’s arms in a tight hug. He hugged back just as tightly and sobbed just as hard.

They sat there clinging to each other like a lifeline for a while, neither knowing exactly how long. Tyler tried to briefly glance at the clock, but he couldn’t read it because of his tears. Eventually, they pulled back to look at each other, Josh’s eyes filled with care and minor confusion when Tyler had a huge smile on his face.

“Why’re you smiling?” Josh asked, now smiling as well, “because I was just pulled back again.” Josh laughed, still very confused. “What on earth are you on about?” Tyler chuckled too, responding with, “You pulled me back from the cliff’s edge, Josh, you saved me.” Tyler watched, his smile growing impossibly wider as Josh gasped. “I did?!” Tyler nodded.

They hugged again and when they pulled apart, it hit them full force just how tired they were. “Wow, jeez, how long was I up with you?” Josh muttered, rubbing his eyes, “I don’t know, but thank you, I really mean that.” Looking Tyler in the eyes, Josh smiled, “No problem.”

With one last mutual smile, they both laid down, cuddling up to each other, trying to ensure that neither of them had another nightmare. Though, Josh wouldn’t tell Tyler he had one, because he was just glad that Tyler was okay for now.

Just as Josh was about to fall back asleep, Tyler chuckled beside him. Josh looked up at him, confused, “What’re you laughing about?” Tyler held a small smile on his face as he spoke to Josh what he just thought of, “It could be a book,” Tyler chuckled, “ **Tyler Joseph’s Guide to Suicide…and Back Again, that’s by Josh Dun.** ”

Josh stared at him blankly for a few seconds before chuckling, shoving Tyler’s arm. “Go to bed! You’re tired, you can’t think coherently right now. You’re like, drunk on exhaustion.” Tyler shoved him back, “and maybe the sleep pills I took earlier.” Josh rolled his eyes, “Yeah, maybe some of those too.”

Settling back into their previous position, Tyler and Josh drifted to a nightmare-less sleep, unconsciously holding hands as they slept. Whether they would ever admit it or not, they were ever-so glad to have each other, willing to help and understand in their dark times, and to always pull them back again.

**Author's Note:**

> kinda lowkey proud of this xD
> 
> btw: I made Josh say Tyler's name every time he said something so he could keep him grounded, because Josh saying his name was a comfort, idk if that makes sense ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
